And the water comes again...

The problem with having bipolar disorder is...well, that you have bipolar disorder. The symptoms come and go. For a while I may even forget. Put three good days in a row and watch me start a new art piece. Or start to write. Overall, though, everyone I 've met who has it...from support groups, from friends, from family all agree it sucks, squared.

I collect suicide plans. It takes up less room than, say, socks. I thought of another plan this morning...actually I read the paper and saw what someone else had done. There are some studies to suggest that along with bipolar disorder comes increased creativity. Based on the suicide plans I have and others have carried through, I'd have to agree with the creativity thing. I also have comorbid anxiety disorder and PTSD. When it was time to choose this incarnation, what could I have been thinking?

I've found most people to be absolutely ignorant about what it means to have bipolar affective disorder. Even the acronym works against us (BAD). I left a job absolutely in small pieces and because I wasn't bleeding or my hair wasn't falling out or I wasn't in a body cast, none of my co-workers believed I was sick. Lots of hostility insued and continues now, as they are trying to deny me insurance benefits. I guess sleeping no more than two hours a night every night for a two years would be a piece of cake for them. Crying hysterically. Lying in the back yard in freezing weather singing and talking with God...emphasis on with...he was talking back. Actually he was doing most all of the talking. This was the man in the sky with the white robes and long grey beard. The one I don't believe in...and yet he was so interesting at the time...

Uh, just to be clear, I was the only one singing.

It's fall, which is often when we BAD people go into depression. I've felt myself slipping several times and I know I'm losing ground. I'm also losing my pdoc on account of insurance and I only have 3 months of drugs left. When those are gone...and my therapist too...I have arrangements for all my animals to be re-homed and I need to do power of attorney stuff. Then I'll be ready for the holiday season.

Ho, ho, ho.

LR