Dark that shadows me

What would it feel to not have my dark twin? She's never far away, I know that from experience, although I may not see her for long periods of time. And then, as inexplicably as she departed, I feel her presence again. I may not like her but she is familiar.

When the darkness descends, I feel a lethargy, a heaviness that makes leaving my room nearly impossible to fathom. The world of color become a kind of gray...dull and uninviting. I am unable to sleep. I watch movies in the night, to the detriment of my cockatoo, who should have complete darkness. Complete darkness is too far a descent toward my shadow, my basement dwelling.

The urge to create leaves as well. The only thing I am able to muster energy for is to feed my animal companions--they should not suffer from my disease. And they are my knowing friends, keeping close and bridling their own activity. Humans are unable to match their kindness and grief.

I do not know why this brooding time comes. I only know that it does and will again and will again. I see those who love me in distress, as if they could fix me if I would only cooperate a little. Still I am pulled down, to the familiar drowning water, waiting to see if I bob up for air again......................

LR